HEY MIKE! I’m desperate: I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’ve either been turned down or have lost friends who were girls because I wanted to go out with them. I’m not sure how to handle this. Any advice?
—J.G., Palm Beach Gardens, Fla.
In last month’s column, a Breakaway reader from Phoenix wanted to date a girl but feared that (1) she was out of his league, and (2) he’d lose his friendship with her if he tried.
A few of the questions I encouraged him to think about apply to you: Why do I want a girlfriend? How will dating a female friend make the relationship better? What are my honest motives? Have I committed this to prayer?
Here’s one more thing I want you to ask yourself: Am I trying too hard?
If you attempt to turn every guy/girl relationship into the exclusive “you’ve-got-to-like-me-more-than-you-like-anybody-else” kind, it often makes people feel trapped. Maybe you should stop trying so hard to get a girlfriend and just start enjoying time with your girl friends. No pressure for deeper commitment. No exchanging of rings and bracelets. You just relax and enjoy the relationship. Leave the rest up to God and His timing.
Let me end with two perspectives from guys your age. Here’s what Josh of El Paso, Texas, told Breakaway: “I don’t believe in dating. I’ve been ridiculed by Christians and non-Christians about this, but I don’t need any more temptations in my life. I’m not ready to get married, so why even flirt with the idea? God is the Creator of the Universe, so it’s nothing for Him to send me my true wife when the time is right.”
Daniel of Charlottesville, Va., had another view: “Right now I think it’s better to go out in groups. It’s safer and it’s more fun. Going out one-on-one can be boring. I think of girls as just friends.”
My advice: Don’t panic. Remind your brain that it’s OK to not have a girlfriend. Guys like Josh know the truth: You’re not weird if you don’t date! Consider taking a few tips from Daniel and multiply the possibilities for fun by multiplying your female friendships. In other words, stick with the group thing and interact with lots of different girls.
HEY MIKE! Some of my friends constantly act like jerks—doing and saying immature stuff just to get laughs. I don’t like to hang around them, but they’ve been my buddies since first grade. What should I do? (I’m 13.)
—D.Z., St. Louis
What it’s going to come down to is a very honest conversation between you and your friends. Tell them how you’re feeling. Do it in a way that doesn’t come off as sounding high and mighty. They probably haven’t noticed that you’re more mature than they are. Be humble about it, but be honest.
You could have to make some tough choices. These guys may not change. Can you accept these guys the way they are, or is their behavior just going to keep getting on your nerves? Does their immaturity tempt you to act immature?
You may decide it’s time to change friends. I hope it doesn’t come to that, but sometimes maturity means being willing to make tough choices. 
