HEY MIKE! My dad recently died, and it has been really hard for me. We were really close and used to spend a lot of time together every summer, camping and hiking. Now everything is weird, especially since I live in a small town. It’s as if people treat me differently since his death. They either avoid talking about my father as if nothing ever happened — which makes me mad — or they throw out a bunch of Bible verses, assuring me that everything’s OK. But everything isn’t OK. My dad is gone, and I miss him. How can I handle this?
—Name Withheld
Actually, I’m going through something very similar. I recently lost my father-in-law who, for the past several years, has been like a dad to me. (My real father passed away a long time ago.)
At first, I felt a lot of love and support from friends and family. (It seemed as if we received more cards, casseroles and flowers than we could count.) Then, as the weeks went by, the casseroles stopped coming. And, just as you pointed out, everything began to feel weird. It was time to return to my normal, everyday life, yet my world wasn’t normal. My life — my heart — had a hole in it.
What you and I are going through is called grief. It’s a tough process that takes months, even years to pass through. And as we move ahead one step at a time, life will feel abnormal. Even our friendships may feel strange for a short time. (A lot of people may be unsure about what to say or do or how to help us.) But I assure you, things will smooth out.
I’m doing a few things to get myself through this difficult time. Maybe these ideas will help you, too.
I’m letting myself cry. In fact, my emotions feel like a roller coaster at times, and that’s OK — even for guys! Counselors tell me that people who grieve go through six stages of trauma: denial (“It didn’t really happen”), anger (“It’s not fair”), bargaining (“God, if you take away this pain, I promise I’ll be a better person”), depression (“I don’t want to talk to anyone — just leave me alone”), acceptance (“It happened and that’s that”), hope (“It’s will be OK”).
I’m talking things out. My wife is my best friend. We share everything we’re feeling. And we’ve discovered that just talking things out really helps the two of us move through the pain. This is a good time for you to connect with your family, as well — especially your mom. Consider sharing some of those awesome memories you have hiking and camping with your father.
I’m not afraid to get help. I can’t overstress this point: It’s important to move through the six stages I listed above. But sometimes we need some professional help along the way. Consider talking to your pastor or even a Christian counselor.
I’m forgiving myself for not having it all together. People in grief sometimes say things they don’t really mean. I’ve certainly been guilty of this. But if I snap at someone, I do my best to come back with an apology. (Those around me understand and are quick to forgive, as well.)
I’m spending time in prayer. I often pour out my heart to God. Lately, I’ve been thanking Him for my earthly fathers. Consider asking Him to help you move ahead with a life that honors both your dad and your Creator.
HEY MIKE! I never miss your column. I think it’s really cool how you give great advice on so many different topics. So often when I read about someone else’s struggle, I’ll stop and think, Man, I’m going through the exact same thing! Then I take a look at your answers and feel very encouraged. It’s great to know that Breakaway guys have a place to come for godly help.
—C.P., Brooklyn N.Y.
Thanks for the kind words. Your encouragement means a lot to me. Writing this column is one of the most challenging, yet most rewarding parts of my job.
You can easily guess the No. 1 topic guys write about. Yep, you got it: GIRLS! So, if you have any non-female questions, send them in! (OK — just kidding. Send in your girl questions, too!!) 
