James finished his dinner and headed to the den.
“I’m going to start my homework,” he called to no one in particular.
“Sounds good!” his mom replied from the kitchen. (Moms are always listening, aren’t they?)
Looking over his assignments, the 15-year-old decided first to tackle the research paper on the Civil War. Gettysburg would be a good start, he thought. James actually enjoyed researching war history. And the high-speed Internet connection his dad installed a few months ago transformed school projects from toilsome digging to easily selecting from long lists of relevant sources. Sitting at his family’s computer, James quickly bookmarked several good pages.
James had learned from experience that while the Web provided much useful information, it was also full of inappropriate and lewd sites. His dad had warned him about such material plenty of times — not in a condescending way but more man-to-man, James thought. Even though he kept his guard up, there had been a few times when James had innocently clicked links that took him to sexually suggestive sites. Tonight when he encountered a particularly raunchy link, he winced and quickly clicked to a solid Civil War site. James breathed a sigh of relief, feeling the adrenaline rush of temptation and thankfulness that he had said no.
At times like these James was glad the computer had been placed out in the open of the den and that the family rule said the door must be open if someone is using the computer.
After a couple hours of history and math homework, James was ready to replace a brake cable on his mountain bike before bedtime.
Trouble
Rerouting the pesky cable proved trickier than expected, and James was surprised to see that several hours had passed when he returned from the garage. He started to his bedroom, taking the stairs two at a time, but turned around when he remembered that his backpack was still in the den.
James opened the door and was startled to find his father, usually in bed by this time, at the computer. More startling was what he saw on the computer screen: pictures of women wearing next to nothing.
“James!” his father exclaimed with obvious shock and embarrassment, fumbling to close the onscreen windows while trying to block James’ view of the monitor. But it was all too apparent what was happening. Angry, sad and bewildered, James stared at his dad and slowly backed out of the den. A million thoughts spun around his brain: Does Mom know? Do I tell her? What do I say to Dad? What if people at church find out? He told me not to look at that stuff! Is this a one-time stumble or is Dad an addict?
Help
Nobody likes a hypocrite, especially when it’s a parent. James felt as though he had been punched in the stomach. Sure, they had their disagreements from time to time, but James looked up to his father. Now his respect plummeted, and he felt betrayed.
Such feelings are understandable, especially when a mom or dad has done something clearly wrong. Maybe you’ve been there. Maybe you’ve caught your dad looking at porn or heard him let the profanity fly in a fit of rage. Perhaps you’ve caught Mom telling a lie or gossiping behind a neighbor’s back. It’s possible that one of your parents has even been convicted of a crime.
Whatever the misdeed, the Bible can give us a clear reminder of God’s perspective, laying the foundation for healing the situation and repairing the relationship with a parent.
1. Remember that parents are human — and all humans are sinful.
There are many Scriptures, including Romans 3:10-12, 23, that explain our condition apart from God’s grace and Christ’s work on the Cross. While Christians enjoy God’s forgiveness and freedom from sin’s final penalty, they still wrestle with sin in the flesh. We’re sure you know this from experience.
While these verses paint a bleak picture of humanity, they also offer hope. How? Without excusing sin, James and his dad — and you and your parents — can understand that apart from Christ both are miserable sinners. When that truth sinks in, it’ll help you deal rightly with each other while making the next reminder even sweeter.
2. Remember that God graciously forgives sin because of Jesus Christ’s work on the Cross.
Ephesians 2:1-5 makes clear that God offers us what we don’t deserve. Verses 4 and 5 say, “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions — it is by grace you have been saved.”
If God, who is far more offended and dishonored by sin than we could ever be, can forgive sin, then we must do the same. James’ dad dishonored the holy, sovereign Creator of the universe. He was wrong to look at and lust over those Web sites, but he can still receive God’s — and James’ forgiveness — because of Christ. Check out 1 John 1:9.
3. Remember the “always on” commands for parents and children.
Ephesians 6:1-4 contains some of the clearest commands in Scripture for parents and children: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. . . . Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
Just because Dad has sinned doesn’t give James or you an excuse to commit similar sins. You’re still directed to obey your parents’ commands as long as those commands don’t violate a clear, biblical teaching. That may be frustrating at times, but remember that God gives us limits for our ultimate good and protection. Parents aren’t perfect, but there’s no way around the fact that they have more life experience than you — and more wisdom as a result.
James may bristle at the closing command to fathers. What his dad did certainly made James angry! But he can’t hold his dad accountable to God’s standards without doing the same for himself. His continued obedience and honor for his parents will go a long way toward healing the situation.
4. Remember the example of the heavenly Father and His Son.
At Jesus’ transfiguration, God’s voice came out of a cloud, saying, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!” (Matthew 17:5). The holy example of God the Father and Jesus Christ, His Son, may seem too much of a stretch for fathers and sons to emulate today. After all, we’re not God or Jesus. And reminder No. 1 about our wretched condition is still ringing in our ears!
But God the Father and God the Son provide the ultimate example of fatherhood and sonhood. God is perfect in His wisdom and rule. Christ is perfect in his obedience to His Father. The Bible demands no less of human fathers and sons. Impossible you say? Exactly. Only the righteousness of Christ in us will please God the Father, making salvation possible. Only by the strength He gives us through His Spirit can we get it right. Only in that hope can there be any help for fathers and sons here on Earth — even when we blow it. 
