Next time you’re in the school cafeteria or at a youth group meeting, try a little experiment. Look around you. That’s right — allow your eyes to take a long, slow pan across the room. So, what do you see? Cliques. Herds of guys and girls who never seem to cross an invisible line that separates the classes.
The cool kids (usually the jocks and prom queens, right?) claim one part of the room. The skaters, surfers and metal heads hang out in other areas. The science and computer kids try to lie low somewhere in a corner or a lab.
How about YOU? Where do you fit into the picture? Do you feel like you’re part of the middle mass of nothingness, someone who just blends into the tabletops? Or do you feel as if every eye is on you, like you’re the featured act in today’s teenage freak show?
Guess what. You’re NOT a freak or a zero. Your life counts, regardless of which herd you run with. So keep reading, because in the paragraphs that follow, we’ll hone in on what’s truly cool . . . and what’s not. We’ll even give you a solid strategy for building confidence and a better new you.
Why Do Guys Follow the Code?
Fifteen-year-old David is sick of the cruel cool code. This northern California kid is a talented artist who dreams about becoming president of his own comic book company — or maybe even filling an upscale New York art gallery with his masterpieces. Yet he feels as if every other guy at his school cares about only one thing: fitting into the right crowd. Despite being excited about all the possibilities God has set before him, he can’t help noticing that too many other guys his age put on cynical acts, making everyone think that nothing but the moment really matters.
“Here’s the crazy thing,” David says. “I catch myself wondering if something is wrong with me. Some guys call me ‘geek’ or ‘church boy.’ It really hurts. Why do they act so cruel?”
Answer: Too many guys are trapped in a lie . . .
. . . the lie that they’re worthless unless they hang with the popular crowd.
. . . the lie that cool equals having a muscle-bound body, possessing Herculean strength and strutting through the mall with the most drop-dead beautiful, supermodel-cheerleader-type babe glued to their arm.
. . . the lie that measuring up as a man means living up to an impossible cool code: always being a tough guy, never showing weakness and, above all, never expressing true feelings.
Popularity Is a Losing Game
The popularity game goes hand in hand with the cruel cool code, and playing it means doing what’s socially acceptable. Though the rules are different in each part of the world, here are a few of the most familiar ones in our culture: Wear the right clothes; go to the right parties; use the right language (which usually means swearing); and keep God at a distance (at least in public).
Social survival for many guys — even those who claim to be Christians — depends on how they measure up in these areas. If they don’t measure up, they’re not cool. And if they’re not cool, who are they? Wannabes! They spend every waking moment trying to break into the cool crowd. But what happens if they can’t break in? Like 15-year-old David, they end up feeling pretty bad about themselves. They even begin thinking that they’re outcasts, convinced that they’ll never be accepted.
The Price of Popularity
Face it, we all want to fit in. That’s why we wear low-riding, leg-flaring baggies one year, then switch to acid-washed, plaid singlets the next. (OK, let’s pray that those will never be in style.) Wanting acceptance is also why we have to have the latest CD from DJ Wack or 186 Degrees. Unfortunately, too many guys are willing to go too far to try to be popular.
Of course, there ARE exceptions to this cruel game. There are secure Christian guys who aren’t caught up in what others think, young men who are clued in to the right definition of cool.
Cool Redefined
If you’re sick of playing the popularity game, then it’s time for a change. Beginning today, let the One who created you and everything in this world, not the so-called popular people, navigate your life. Let the God of all eternity, not a passing crowd, define what is and isn’t cool. How?
Learn what God really thinks of you. We’ve all heard that God loves us. And we know that God allowed His Son, Jesus Christ, to die on a cross and pay the penalty of our sin, demonstrating the extent of His love. Then why don’t we act as if this is the most incredible news we’ve ever heard? If God — the One who created us — says we are worthy of His love, why do we pursue what our culture thinks is cool in order to feel good about ourselves?
Understand that you were made for much more than parties and popularity. The Lord doesn’t measure your worth the way people do. (See 1 Samuel 16:7.) The Bible says God places little value on the things we treasure so much, especially the three B’s: brains, outer beauty and bucks. Why? Because these diversions often get in the way of our knowing Christ more deeply and getting our confidence from Him.
Strive for GREATNESS. Here are some keys: Know Jesus personally, saturate your mind with Scripture, pray, rely on God’s strength when you’re weak, and seek the kind of joy that only comes from a hope in heaven, not from the things of this world. (Crack open your Bible and read Colossians 1:9-23 for more ideas.) Bottom line: Value what Jesus values. He will guide you along a path that leads to purpose and meaning in life — that is, if you let Him. 
BUILD CONFIDENCE AND GO DEEP WITH GOD
Get these two books from Breakaway’s editor, Michael Ross:
BOOM: A Guy’s Guide to Growing Up
Tribe: A Warrior’s Heart
