Did Davy Crockett die bravely defending the Alamo, or was he executed on the order of Mexican Gen. Antonio López de Santa Anna? Is Plato’s account of the elusive lost city of Atlantis fact or fiction inspired by the Minoan civilization of Crete? Does chocolate milk come from chocolate cows?
Dubbed some of history’s greatest mysteries by U.S. News & World Report (and the Breakaway staff), these cliffhangers may compel you to spend hours in a dimly lit corner of a library or forfeit an afternoon of gaming for a less-than-hip docudrama on public access television. These teasers itch our brain, making us question history, reality and our perception of it all. But chances are you’ll shut the books, turn off the TV and go to bed at day’s end with your mind on an even greater mystery: girls.
MIND BOGGLING
Trust me, guys, you’re not alone. Girls are just as mystified by you. The complexity of gender differences is a stumper steeped in history—His story, rather. Genesis 1 tells us God created man, male and female, in His image (v. 27). I picture Adam as a manly man, a hardworking master of the Garden who wasn’t afraid to get dirt under his fingernails. He may not have literally “worn the pants” in the relationship, but I’m sure he did figuratively.
But even with all the wisdom, authority and virility God had given Adam, Eve had a power over him. Genesis 3:6 tells us that Eve ate of the forbidden fruit and gave some to her husband, who willingly partook. Maybe she flashed him one of those undeniable puppy faces. Maybe he hesitated to take the fruit, only to be met with her heartbreaking deluge of tears. Or maybe he was simply transfixed by her beauty.
I know you know the feeling. I’m sure that, at some point, your feelings for a girl have driven you to do something kinda goofy, something that cost you, maybe even something you deeply regret. The feelings are real, but the “why”—as in, “Why do these feelings exist?” “Why me?” and “Why in the world did I just do that?”— can be just as elusive.
My husband, by nature a rational and cautious guy, often tells the story of the day shortly before our wedding when he emptied his bank account. Handing me several hundred dollars, he instructed me to pay off a couple of my bills and have his name put on my checking account. Immediately, his stomach sank. What in the world did he just do? That was all of the money he had left for the month. What if I ran off with his hard-earned money, leaving him with nothing? Had he lost his mind? His love for me had pushed the “override” button on his logic, and it was a very scary feeling!
As the editorial assistant here at Breakaway, I read every e-mail you guys send from the magazine’s Web site. Lately, a lot of you have written in wondering how to cultivate the qualities of a good husband now, while you’re still in your single, teen years. Some of your letters would make your Brio sissses swoon! If you’re already concerned about acquiring the attributes of a good husband, you’re well on your way to becoming one.
But first things first. Marriage is at least a few years off for you guys; the moment’s concerns—like “Why do girls do that?”—are more pressing. So sit back, relax and take a deep breath as we crack open four cases inspired by your female friends.
WHY DOES SHE TAKE EVERYTHING I SAY SO HARD? I CAN’T SAY ANYTHING RIGHT!
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. It’s an old saying, but it rings true. While something she says to you may go in one ear and out the other, something you say to her may go in one ear and cycle around her head for months. Men and women tend to communicate and perceive communication differently—men more logically, women more emotionally.
This can lead to stories that are great to look back on and laugh. Shortly after our marriage, my husband pulled two of my old flower vases from our study.
“It’s time to put these to good use!” he proclaimed. A rush ran through my body. Flowers! He was going to get me flowers! I loved and wanted flowers. I hadn’t told him that, but I mean, that was something he was supposed to just know, right guys? He’d finally caught on! What kind of flowers would he get me? Roses, or some adorable Gerbera daises, or …
“This one for silver-colored coins, like dimes and nickels, and this one for copper-colored coins, like pennies,” he stated, emptying out the change in his pocket. My dreams of floral bliss were riddled by the noise of coins clinking into the glass vases.
But there is a happy ending to the communication mishap. Once my husband and I learned just how differently we communicated, we sought to better express ourselves. I eventually got my first vase full of red roses from him on our second Valentines Day. And I’ve learned to truly appreciate his practical nature and the balance it brings to our lives.
WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE FRIENDS FIRST? I JUST WANT TO DATE HER.
If you ever hope of being a good boyfriend (or husband some day!) you absolutely have to have a solid friendship as the cornerstone of your relationship. If you don’t, you might find yourself with a heap of emotions, attraction and lust, but love won’t be in the equation. Any long-term relationship (marriage included) will see its share of emotional highs as well as days void of feeling. A solid friendship is essential to making it through the rough spots.
WHY DOES SHE LOOK ENTIRELY TO ME FOR HER SELF-ESTEEM? I’M ONLY ONE GUY!
This goes back to communication differences. Just as most girls don’t realize the effects their innocently intentioned teasing can have on your self-esteem, a lot of guys don’t realize that it takes just a small handful of their words to build up—or completely tear apart—a girl. While you don’t (and shouldn’t) bear the burden for being her sole source of self-esteem, your words do pack a punch. That kind of power comes with a high calling.
As with everything, there’s a right and wrong way to approach the task of encouraging her. The ultimate goal is to permanently build her up in Christ. Like most girls, I’ve been the target of the occasional whistle or “lusty compliment.” I’ll admit: It was a momentary high. But we both know that just because it feels good doesn’t make it right. Other momentary highs, like sex outside of marriage, actually cause lasting damage.
When my husband and I were first dating, he complimented me on my ankle-length jean skirt as he helped me into his truck. “I don’t see girls wearing things like that these days, at least not around here,” he said. It was a simple, indirect comment, but it showed me he was paying attention to me and appreciated my choice in clothing. I loved it!
Try complimenting her on her outfit (not how it looks on her) or her performance in the school play. Let her know you caught her in a random act of kindness. I’m not going to feed you lines; I know you can come up with an original kind word of your own. The more sincere, the better. Don’t worry if it comes out a little awkward or less-than-suave. We girls find the moments you come off a little klutzy pretty endearing.
Remember, girls have a tendency to hold on to things for quite a while, words included. Give her something edifying to hold on to.
IF I’M SUPPOSED TO KEEP MY THOUGHTS PURE AND SAVE SEX FOR MARRIAGE, WHY DOES SHE DRESS LIKE SHE DOES?
Let’s start by stating this: In her quest for purity, she has a lot working against her. It’s not an excuse, but a simple fact. Society is constantly bombarding the both of you with unrealistic expectations as to how women should look. For girls, it can be a weighty burden! She may dress provocatively to garner attention from you, a much-needed confidence boost. Or she may be doing it to please you. After all, society is telling her that scantily clad women are what men desire.
There’s also a major chance that she isn’t fully aware of the power her attire can have on you. I remember in my high school youth group discussing the effects immodestly dressed women have on guys. Many of us girls rolled our eyes. It seemed a little over the top that we (each of us so ugly in our own minds) had that much sway over a guy’s thoughts. If the way we dressed really was an issue for guys, well, they could deal with it. We weren’t making them do anything—at least that was our attitude. To be honest, I didn’t fully understand the power my wardrobe and figure had until I married my husband and saw just what a few unbuttoned buttons or a slip of the zipper could do.
In the end, the burden to keep your thoughts pure rests with you and God, not her. But if your female friend is constantly causing you to trip up, be open and honest with her. Let her know that the way she dresses is a stumbling block. Ask her for her prayers and her assistance in modifying her wardrobe, but be careful not to elaborate too greatly on the effects her clothing (or lack thereof) has on you. This conversation should be about fleeing temptation, not fueling or flirting with it.
CLOSING THE CASE
“Today is not forever.” It’s a great reminder that change is one of the few guarantees in life. Similarly, high school is not forever. You will be amazed at how much you and your peers will change in just a few years. While your relationships may now be based heavily on looks, fleeting crushes and common hobbies, you’ll soon see the basis for your relationships morph into a common faith, goals and life aspirations.
In high school I was definitely not one of the popular, pretty girls. Heavily involved in extracurricular activities, I went on all of one—maybe two—dates before graduating. I had a tendency to “date down,” crush on the “geeky guys” (usually Latin or theology club members) and dream of Clay Aiken.
Little did I know, my husband was living all of three hours away from me, sporting long hair, earrings, a stocky build and a temper problem. We both admit that, had we attended the same high school, we would have avoided each other at all costs. Half a decade later, we make a great pair.
We may never know if Custer really was the last man standing, how the stones got to Stonehenge or if Yoda could take Spider-Man in a duel. Isn’t it mind-blowing to think that God has all the answers? He also knows (and cares!) about something else: your best. Romans 8:28 says He works all things for His glory and the good of those who love Him. And unless He’s called you to singleness, He also knows your future wife. While you may not know who she is, you do know the God who knows her and created her just for you. She could be just around the corner. Live like it! 
