You probably started to really notice girls (as something more than pests) in sixth or seventh grade. What used to be an easy target in dodgeball and a sure strikeout in softball is suddenly a babe. Um . . . that is, she’s kinda fun to look at, exciting to watch — okay, you get the picture. But she can also be pretty scary to talk to.
You may not be ready to actually date yet (especially if you don’t have a car), though a lot of guys “go with” girls for a week or two, maybe even a month or more. What some want to do is act cool while talking to girls, hold their hands and maybe even kiss. This proves to other guys at school that they don’t fear the female species.
Fast-forward a few years to when you’re 16.
Most guys aren’t talking about holding hands and kissing anymore; they’ve moved way beyond that. And they’re not bashful talking about it, either. (You know, the three letter s word — sex.) Suddenly, there’s pressure to have a story to tell your small group of friends. You think you’ll lose their respect if you don’t.
“That’s right, so what am I supposed to do?”
If you’re a BIG-PICTURE guy, you’ll think about where to draw the line before you’re in a parked car with your date. The pressure in that situation is too intense. The time to start is NOW!
TIME OUT: Let’s define a BIG-PICTURE guy. This kind of male realizes three things:
1. He wants 60-plus years of success in relating to females, not just a few incredible stories.
2. He knows that success with females doesn’t mean getting all you can physically. It means learning how to relate to them without fear. It especially means learning how to respect them.
3. He’s convinced that if God is invited in on the whole process, He’ll show him how to have real success with females.
If you don’t look at the BIG PICTURE, you’re sure to get pulled in to the competition to get all you can.
“Can I really stick with one standard until I’m married? Or will my standards change and ‘mature’ as I mature?”
Though the media and friends will say you need to change, I think you can stick with one standard—as long as you have the desire to please God above yourself and your friends.
“How?”
When God sees that your desire is to please Him, He’s able to pump extra strength into you to stand up under the pressure. It comes from the Holy Spirit — and to be honest, guys, I don’t think it’s possible to withstand sexual pressure without His strength! Check out 1 Corinthians 10:13:
“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.”
“So what should my standards be in a situation like this? I’m in the first two months of spending time with this one girl, and I’m still only holding her hand!”
That’s good! You’re exactly where you should be. This tells a girl that you’re really interested in making the friendship work before something closer develops. Though some girls might get offended if you don’t try something, most will be pleasantly surprised. They’re totally turned off by guys who go exploring the first chance they get.
Honestly, guys, physical involvement ruins nearly EVERY teenage relationship. Once you start down the path toward more touching, it’s next to impossible to go backward.
“With what I see at school, that’s going to be tough to do. What if I keep spending time with the same girl? A month ago I started giving Jamie little quick kisses, but now we’re getting into some longer ones! Sometimes I fell like my whole body’s on fire! Isn’t it okay to experiment a little?”
I understand the problem. After a while, holding hands gets pretty old. First you notice other couples hugging — closely — and you convince yourself close hugs are next. When someone hugs back it’s like they’re saying, “You and your body are okay.” During the early teenage years, that statement is awfully good to hear. (Actually, it’s good to hear throughout your life!)
About the same time, quick kisses easily give way to longer ones. Again, it feels great to know you’re learning a new skill that pleases another person (not to mention you). You’ve discovered you really like this physical closeness thing.
“Exactly! And since it feels so good, it must be right. Right?”
BIG QUESTION. Are feelings your yardstick to decide what’s right?
It feels good to bash your little brother when he’s being a pest. Where could uncontrolled aggression lead?
It feels good to eat junk food: burgers, fries, doughnuts and candy. What could an overactive junk food appetite get you?
The initial high from drugs or alcohol “feels good.” Since it feels good with just a little, it must feel better with a lot. (Treatment hospitals are making millions because people believe this one.)
“Okay, I get the picture. But I’m not sure it applies with girls. After all, prolonged kissing won’t make you a sex addict, will it?”
No. But even this minor step gets old after a while. While your lips are busy, there’s nothing to do with your hands. Or is there?
Of course there is. Your hands go exploring on top of the clothing. Soon the hands want to move underneath the clothing.
Later, the clothing is off. Later still, you’ve done something you had no intention of doing when you first started seeing each other. Soon, not only is the relationship over, but you’ve got a ton of regrets and memories you’ll have to deal with the rest of your life.
Once physical involvement beyond kissing is allowed to go unchecked, it’s only a matter of time before you want to chuck the standards and keep going.
“Why?”
Your body isn’t wired to stop. That’s why it feels good to keep going. In fact, when your motor’s put into a stall (by you, her, God or an interruption), it can be pretty frustrating — it feels bad!
A BIG-PICTURE guy would seriously think about putting off the immediate “feel goods” for a lifetime of guilt-free, pure love with the woman God has waiting for you. 
