Your heart is racing and your voice is cracking again. You can’t believe the dumb things you’re saying! You’re trying to be cool, but she’s looking at you like you’re Bob the Tomato.
How do you make friends with girls, anyway? We posed this question to some popular Christian artists, and here’s what they had to say!
JENNIFER KNAPP: What kind of person is attractive to you? What kind of qualities would she have? Would she be honest, kind and faithful? Try to develop those characteristics in your own life. Top that off by being open and friendly, and you’ll find that the “she-friends” worth having — the ones who care about more than how cool you are — will be eager to be friends with you.
TONY TERUSA (The OC Supertones): Just like any friend, be interested in what girls are interested in. Be sensitive to their thoughts and what they have to say. Be kind and caring.
TOBYMAC: It’s just like meeting a guy friend. You let your personality shine forth. You’re kind, you’re courteous, and you’re godly — and I think many times you’ll attract people that have the same instincts; people who have the same character. I believe friendship should be a very natural thing. When we try to force things, we’re typically with the wrong group of people.
MICHAEL W. SMITH: Let me get “déjà-vu-ish” here and go back to my teenage years. You know what? It was probably different for me than most people because most of my friends when I was growing up were girls. Not girlfriends, but just a lot of my friends were girls. It was a natural thing for me. I saw that everybody was made in God’s image and I was attracted, honestly, in a godly way to a lot of girls who really ended up having a big impact on my life growing up.
LEANOR ORTEGA — AKA JEFF “THE GIRL” (Five Iron Frenzy): Girls want three things: to be adored, to be respected and to be known. For a girl, it’s not as much what she does, but it’s more who she is. If you want to get to know a girl, ask her what she’s about, not so much what she likes to do.
PHIL JOEL (Newsboys): As males and as the physically stronger of the genders, we need to be seen as gentle. I think it’s important to realize that we are men of God, and we need to display that. For guys that are shy, sometimes it’s hard to meet girls and have conversations. Get involved in smaller group activities, like smaller church groups or different clubs, because then you’re mixing with people who have things in common with you. That’s the best, when you both have something in common and have like minds and things to talk about. I think guys suffer from not believing that they’re special creations and that God loves them just as much as He loves everyone else. It’s important for our self-esteem to know that.
SHELLEY BREEN (Point of Grace): I think humor is always a great tool, if you’ve got it. Humor always draws people in.
KRISTIN SWINFORD (ZOEgirl): True friends help me to feel comfortable. True friends are understanding — people I connect with heart-to-heart. They are the ones who are looking out for me while I’m looking out for them. Above all, genuine friends can vault us to new heights and help us through unwanted lows.
RACHAEL LAMPA: My faith and belief in God are the qualities I’m most proud of. And when it comes to close relationships, I try to connect with those who possess these qualities, too. I try to surround myself with people who I know will help me grow, encourage and challenge me. And when it comes to guys, I’m only going to give my time to those who are reaching for the same goals. I admire guys who have a passion for the Lord. Above all, I get to know someone before dating him. I guard my heart. We are all so different and operate in so many ways that we all have to find the right way to date.
STEVEN CURTIS CHAPMAN: First of all, just be yourself. Don’t play games with girls and pretend you’re something you’re not. They’ll see right through that anyway! Find out her interests — what sports or music she likes — and see if you share some common ground. That can lead to great conversations and lots of fun “hanging out” times.
STEVE MASON (Jars of Clay): I think more group exposure and less one-on-one time will probably help with making friends. We want to grow up so quickly, you know? Groups create an atmosphere that isn’t so grown up and serious, but is more fun and lighthearted. It kind of takes the focus off all that serious stuff that you’ve got plenty of time for later!
REBECCA ST. JAMES: I’ve struggled with having guy friends, because you feel the pressure of them wanting more. But God has given me a couple guys in my life that just want a Christian friendship with me. That’s so important. I think that’s a really great attitude to have. You’ll be blessed by it, as I’ve been. Seek the friendship. Seek a Christian girl in friendship where you can grow from each other and talk about deep issues, but don’t just be friends with girls for the possibility of a romantic relationship.
STACIE ORRICO: During my high school years, my family and I really believed in godly, group dating. I’d go out with groups of guys and girls — rather than one-on-one, romantic-type dating. The key was FUN! In fact, we don’t even call it dating. Hanging out in groups was much more relaxed than traditional dating. The pressure was off, and I could be myself. There was always someone else to talk to or to sit with. In addition, I didn’t have to hang out with the same person all evening. Even though I’m on my own, the core rules still apply: Guys I go out with must be godly, they must live their faith, and they must make purity a priority.
DAVE BAYSINGER (Bleach): Listen. Listen a lot. Most girls are looking for guys who will listen to them and focus on friendship — not the physical side of a relationship.
DANIELLE KIMMEY (Out of Eden): Cut the game-playing, “I’ve-got-to-be-cool” act. It’s best when two people can relax, be real and reveal who they are on the inside. Do your best to set a relaxed tone. So, what kinds of things should you talk about? Anything — the day, an incident that happened or about your feelings and emotions. Above all, don’t try to only say things you think girls want to hear.
NATALIE GRANT: Before my husband, Bernie, and I got married, we became really good friends for an entire year before we decided to go on our first date. (Then we were married the next year!) Our idea of a perfect date was just hanging out, watching a movie and having Chinese take-out!
